Good Enough
by Sailor Seraphim
Summary: They say you never forget your first love. What happens when you can'tforget... but you can never have it either? Part of the Retrospections Series of stories.


Good Enough  
A Sailor Moon Fanfic  
by:  
Sailor Seraphim  
  
  
  
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Author's Notes:  
  
I do not own Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon or any of its related characters. If I did, all of the villians would be very bishounen boys. And I would have brought the Dark Kingdom Generals back. As it is, I *do* own the situations that occur in this fic.  
  
SPOILERS for... well, the whole series. All five seasons AND the manga. If you do not know who Seiya Kou is, do NOT read this fic!  
  
BEWARE THE ANGST, IMPLICATIONS OF YURI (?) AND TRANSGENDERAL RELATIONSHIPS!  
  
Enjoy!  
  
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No one knows that I am here, because I did not choose to tell.  
  
I watch quietly, drinking in her beauty. She is sweet and pure, funny yet strong at the same moment. I want her. I wanted her at the moment I saw her. The moment I held her in my arms I knew that she would be the only one to hold a place in my heart. But she would not love me. Perhaps if I had met her sooner, perhaps if I had convinced her of the sincerity of my feelings, perhaps... if *he* had not existed.  
  
I watch her walk through the park, a quiet and sad expression on her face. Why is she sad? It pains me to see her unhappy. I want to go to her, take her in my arms and tell my love for her.  
  
But someone beats me to it.  
  
"Usako," the deep voice calls. "I'm sorry I'm late. I was stuck in traffic."  
  
My goddess swings around, golden hair flying. Indescribable joy fills her formerly sad eyes. "Mamo-chan!" her sweet voice cries. She runs to him and with a smooth motion he grabs her by the waist and swings her around and around. Her laugh tinkles like small bells, and her arms drop around his shoulders.  
  
I wish it were I that she would greet so happily.  
  
He stops swinging her and they stop, breathing heavily, wavering dizzily. Their eyes lock, and even I can see the unspoken words that pass between them. He draws her in closer and she willingly submits. Her eyes flutter closed and they kiss each other with the strength of two lifetimes.  
  
It is a lost cause for me. I will never be good enough for her. Even if he were dead, his memory would burn stronger in her heart than my constant presence. I could never compete with him. Even when he was but a memory to her and she buried the pain of his absence deeply within her heart, I could not overcome that. No matter what I did, she would not love me. I leave the two alone to share in their joy. I would not be cruel enough to show myself to them now.  
  
But I wish...   
  
I shake my head. It would never work. I told myself once before... Princess and Senshi... we are of different stations in the Universe. It is unrequited love. It always will be. I can only keep myself alive with my fantasies and dreams and wishes of a universe where she and I can be together.   
  
But I wish...   
  
I would never cause her any pain. I would be supportive and lift her spirits, much as I did when I was last here. When I first met her. Though her Senshi pushed me away from her, though her Senshi warned her of me, I would not let them steel her heart against me. And she would not allow her heart to be hardened. She was so open, so pure. She trusted me, a stranger to her world. I even turned my back to my sisters because I loved her more than them. I love her more than myself. I love her more than my own star shining in the skies. I love her more than anything else this universe can offer.   
  
And I wish...   
  
I wish that I could have been born in this small galaxy instead. I wish I could have served as her Senshi. Even if she did not love me the same way, at least I could have been in her presence. At least I could have been her friend. But the universe will not even give me that, and has separated us with a distance that would make even the strong of heart stop.   
  
But, I came.   
  
I traveled here despite the fact that my sisters frowned at me. I traveled here despite the sorrow I saw in my own princess' eyes. Just to see *her,* the most perfect, forever shining star in the cosmos. The one I can never have. It is the sweetest torture to be here. But I punish myself anyway.   
  
It is my wish, my dream, my hope, my fantasy...   
  
To be loved by her.   
  
I wish sometimes...   
  
... that I was good enough.  
  
  
  
  
-- Owari -- 


End file.
